Reading Amy's blog reminded me of the past, because she'd posted a link to http://www.givesmehope.com/ and http://www.sixbillionsecrets.com/

I'm glad I've got over all of that, I'm pretty proud of myself. Why shouldn't I be? I'm losing weight in a way that's a lot more healthier and I feel great for it. I'm eating better but still snacking on whatever I want and I've joined the gym, I've been going since April and I'm getting a bit addicted.

I feel quite selfish, when I look back at it all, I made Josh worry all the time. Whenever I went to the bathroom, it was as if I could hear him panicking. A couple of my close friends used to tell me off when I used to shake uncontrollably, and I remember Lauren screaming in my face, with floods of tears rolling down her cheeks because she was worried about me. 

I'm really sorry Josh and Lauren, for what I did to you. But when you feel like that... the need to be beautiful, perfect and like the tiny models you see in magazines, it kind of takes over you. I used to look in the mirror and see someone the size of a house, I couldn't think about anything else apart from losing weight because of how disgusting I thought I looked. If anyone who knows me is reading this, I bet you're questioning all of this because it sounds like a lie. It sometimes feels like a dream. But Josh reminds me sometimes... It was as real as it gets.


The most annoying thing is when people make disorders sound almost fashionable. Some people, go on like eating disorders are something cool. I used to cry everyday because I didn't want to be me, I would question my boyfriend why he liked me... who on earth would or could love someone like me?... It's not fucking cool.


Anorexia nervosa is an eating disorder characterized by refusal to maintain a healthybody weight, and an obsessive fear of gaining weight due to a distorted self image ... which alters how the affected individual evaluates and thinks about their body, food and eating.